Wednesday, 3 December 2014

50

feeling ambivalent re: love. on one side, i know i operate much better when inspired by a loving interaction. those gaps when i've been on my own have usually been dark moments in my life (though, to be honest, some relationships have also been very negative too). on the other side, not being currently involved in a deep, meaningful relationship is a sort of blessing: i don't have to share my life and its narratives to anyone (storytelling changes the past and relocates the aims and vision of the future; all interactions are life changing) or being open to a new person and her life, her baggage, philias and phobias, family, ideology, culture...

i'm still friends with people who knew me 20, 30 years ago. it was so easy back then!


and yet i miss N. our friendship disrupted when it was getting some sort of shape. i read our FB chats again. looking for keys. and it feels weird  reading us as if i was reading other people. is she real? a character of a play i went into, uninvited? last night i had a dream. i was in edinburgh. it was raining outside and i was drinking an obscure single malt (i only drink whisky in scotland) and st vincent was playing a beatles' song. and there she was. i didn't know if she was going to be upset or happy to see me so i finished my drink and went away. the rain

my new job as a cook is cool. chef school, fab -and we had a master class by a michelin starred chef!. i finally have the whole set for the script. i would only need to pass a pencil around its contour. and it won't be only a tv screenplay. i decided the whole enneagrammic thingie is still on, but the tv one will be a set of 3 half hour stories. the full nine chapters will be as a graphic novel











 
welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together

3 comments:

fragui said...

Love it Dude, you are real man...

Michelle said...

I'm so glad to see you starting to post on your blog, Alexei! I look forward to seeing how you progress with it. Btw, I love the name of the blog! It's perfect! Bravo!

Richard P said...

I'm pleased to read your thoughts alex! Encore!